I've been back nearly 5 days and I'm slowly achieving coherence. I don't know if it's jet lag or just straight up emotional exhaustion, but I've been sleeping about 16 hours a day.
When I read over my blog entries I realize there is so much I couldn't put into words. It's very hard to describe what you're doing and what you're feeling at the same time. But one thing I cannot stop thinking about is how my experience there seemed to differ so completely from that of the other 13 volunteers in my group. I was second oldest and the only American. Most of them were from England or Australia, between 20 and 24, and backpacking their way through Asia after they'd graduated from "uni" (college).
After the first day or so, I realized I wasn't really fitting in. I was worried and starting to get a complex. I couldn't understand why I felt so apart from them. Was it b/c I cried every time we were near an elephant? Was it b/c I was old enough to be their mother? Or maybe it was b/c I was in bed every night by 8 and they stayed up drinking and playing cards until the wee hours?
I won't say this hindered my experience, but it did limit the people I had to share my overwhelming thoughts and feelings with while I was there. When I got back, I was talking to Carol Buckley about this and she clarified it for me. She said, "Your trip was about the elephants, their trip was about themselves."
Wow.
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